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Hannah Gadsby and the “S” Word


I have a lot of issues with ‘s’ words. "Should", "success", "scared", "shame".
They all, well, suck. They have baggage, a weight I can feel in my stomach, my soul.

 I feel like my story is broken, wasting away like a faded receipt. Can I get a refund on my mid 20’s?
I saw Hannah Gadsby perform her farewell show “Nanette.” I cried. I cried hard.
It was a story, she needs her end, and she can’t live in the middle.
I feel like I’m living in my middle, I can’t move on.
I messaged Hannah, a long diary entry. I poured my heart out, knowing that she probably won’t reply. And I know I can't get satisfaction from a stranger about my life.
She did.
She didn’t need to.
She said what I am feeling is shame.
Deep, paralysing, shame.

Another really scary “s’ word. But such a good one.

I need to be ok with where I am now. The present. Don’t let my future be clouded with shame. That’s dark and scary and a self-fulfilling prophecy where I will continue to be fucking sad.

Strength, support…self-love (stretch?)
I am here. This is now. Shrug off the how and focus on me.

Shame, struggle, we all feel that shit.

It doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to let it go.

-Alison

Nanette is sold out. I hope Hannah is writing a book though. 

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